Waiting, waiting, and waiting

We are still waiting to hear back from the ophthalmologist on our referral for Karsen for his eye. There is a hold up on the insurance approving it. Grrr! Don't understand how it can take so long for them to just read the paper work and check the box that says approve. We are also waiting on Karsen's new thumb splint to come in. He got measured for it last Tuesday so it should be in by our next OT visit on Tuesday. And last but not least, we are waiting to hear back from his neuro to find out his blood work test results, might shed some light as to what the cause of his stroke was but most importantly find out if he needs to be put on blood thinners. I'm hoping and praying he wont need to be. It's a weird feeling though, if he doesn't need to be put on blood thinners than the likely hood of his stroke being cause by a blood clot from the placenta is more possible. It makes me feel like my body failed him. Even though I know I had no control over it and God has a better plan than I could ever imagine, I still wish I could go back and change it all for Karsen. I hate seeing him struggle just to reach a toy that's 12 inches away from him, I don't want to watch him like a hawk to wait for another seizure. Wheather I like it or not, I know deep down Karsen will some day have another seizure. There is a slim to non chance of them never returning. So, I watch.... and watch. Yes, I hover too much but wouldn't you? We all wish we could take away the hurt, the pain, the struggle for our children, but  boy are they so tough and strong because of enduring all of the hurt, pain, and struggles. I know Karsen is going to shine. He's taught me so much. I was talking to one of my good friends the other day about how I felt guilty that Karsen gets so much more attention (all the appointments) than Karter. My sweet friend, bless her heart, pointed out that this time is teaching Karter so much about compassion, and selflessness. How right she is! Numerous times the past few weeks I've caught Karter gently stroking Karsen's hair, giving him a kiss, bringing him a toy. As I write this now it brings tears to my eyes. I want to give myself a pat on the back, and as moms we don't do that enough. I'm doing a damn good job. Moms, you are enough, you're more than enough. God chose you to be your little ones mommy. Believe it. You will ALWAYS be enough! So take the credit for all of the good your children do, they do it because of you.  ;-) 

My and my little at my friends baby shower.