the awkward grab

It's been a weird thing to start blogging, and because of the wonderful world of Facebook, it has given me the ability with keeping everyone update with out repeating myself over and over again. When I first started blogging, I had so many people tell me "I had no idea! I'm so sorry!" I wouldn't have expected everyone to know since this blog was the first time I was putting it out there for everyone to know. It's not really something you bring up when you run into someone randomly "How are the boys? How's Karsen?" "Oh, he has hemiplegic cerebral palsy, and suffers from a form of epilepsy. We're doing great. You?" I don't think this approach would have gone over very well. That amount of support and prayers we have gotten from people from this has been amazing!

 But I have to let a little steam out, I'm sure you will all understand. Seeing people in town, in the grocery store, pretty much anywhere since we live in such a small town is a common daily occurrence. I have received, many times, the awkward shoulder hold and the "How are you doing?" with the sad concerned look on their face. First off, the shoulder hold is just a sign that we aren't that close for you to give me a hug. Second, you clearly have been reading my blog so therefore you know how I am doing. I can't help but laugh every time I head back out to my car. It's so awkward for me and I'm sure the other person as well. Don't get me wrong, having so many care about my family blows me away, I think more than anything it's the personal boundaries. We all have them, some are less than others, the older I get the more space I need, not really sure why. I constantly get the pity looks from people, or Karsen does, which is equally as painful. I am absolutely in no way saying I don't want to talk about Karsen, I love talking about the progress he makes, I just hate putting myself back in the beginning stages of being sad and over come with emotions. So please, no shoulder hugs, awkward stares, or hand grabbing. (When ever I think of that I think of the movie 50/50, where the therapist grabs his leg in an attempt to be supportive but it just comes of semi creepy. So funny!) Rather, ask me how his therapy is going, how his eating is doing, how his meds are working, how he's sleeping. We don't focus on the sad side of things, it doesn't accomplish anything. I still have my days of "losing it" and breaking down. In fact, I had one not too long ago where I "lost it" because I couldn't find my keys. One of my friends simply put it "I think we all knew it wasn't about the keys" Yes, I do still have my days but the good ones greatly out weight the bad. 

We are so very lucky and blessed Karsen is still alive, a stroke survivor and a fighter. So, if you know someone with a child with special needs, help them focus on the good. Don't be sad for them, be happy for them that their child is alive and that God has chosen each one of us for each of our children. God knows I am strong enough to handle this situation and able to give enough love to these two amazing boys. He will never give us what we can't handle. I thank God every day for giving us both Karter and Karsen. My life would be very dull and boring with out these two.