My life has been crazy, no other way to put it. With Karter's preschool, Karsen's therapy appointments and all of his other appointment, and training for a marathon, I have no life. No life, meaning I don't get time to catch up with my girl friends. I recently started feeling like I've been put on the back burning, not intentionally, but I feel like I'm there. I'm so blessed to have so many supportive, loving friends in my life and couldn't be more grateful. I just feel as if I've lost that friend bond somewhere in the mix, with many friends. I don't get many random phone calls just to chat it up, or invites to get together for a laid back day. It's been a hard thing adjusting to our life now. I still have my days of missing my easy going life, but I also wouldn't change what I have now. People get busy, life changes, you just have to roll with the punches, which I feel I've done pretty well. Until recently. I miss my friends, I miss impromptu play dates, I miss going for walks, I miss normal conversations. Life has just gotten too busy. I was starting to feel as if I couldn't let Karsen even be just a normal baby. I decided something needed to change in our schedule, something so I could have a free day to either stay home ALL day or go over to a friends house or plan in impromptu play date. :-) So, here's what our schedule WAS:
Monday: PT at 11:00 (this is our easiest day, but it's smack dab in the middle of our day and naps)
Tuesday: Karter has preschool (8:30-12:30) OT for Karsen 8:00am, Play group therapy 11:00-12:15 Somewhere in this day I have to fit in a 5 mile run
Wednesday: PT at 11:30 (again smack dab middle of the day) fit in an 8 mile run somewhere
Thursday: Karter has preschool (8:30-12:30), this is also usually the day I have doctors appointments for Karsen
Friday: OT at 11:00 and home visitor also, and fit in a 5 mile run
Saturday: my hubby works every third Saturday (this is new and so nice that he's not there more than that) and the usual birthday parties
Sunday: My long runs (I'm up to 18 miles)
We've dropped PT on Wednesdays so we can have a fun day. Although, there are some weeks where Monday didn't work for our PT so that week we'll have Monday for a fun day.
Looking at this and writing it out, I think "Ok It's really not that bad. Why do I feel like I have no life? Why do I miss my friends so bad?" I think I'm partly to blame for my lack of friendship (Ok, mostly to blame), I've been boarding myself up at home and almost avoiding catching up. I'm not quite sure why. It's been hard for me to admit my conversations will never be normal again, I will always be a stress case, and for the most part I think my friends get that. I miss the regular conversations about milestones and how toddlerville is, but we aren't there. We aren't in toddlerville, we just got out of newbornville. There are some days I would fear for just being a mess, crying my eyes out the whole visit (that's not fun at all). I also miss working, I know weird, right?! I miss the conversations, I miss the time out of the house, I miss feeling successful. The thing I miss the most? I miss being me. Have I completely lost site of how fun I can be? I think I've forgotten how to let loose, forget about all of the medical crap. So, I guess, yes, I've lost site and I think I'm the one putting myself on the back burner. So, to all of my friends, I'm sorry I've lost my sizzle, I'm sorry I've stopped chit chatting, I'm sorry I've been a crappy friend, I'm sorry I've lost site of myself. Time to bring myself back. Yes, my life is crazy busy but now I've got one free day! So, be prepared, I'm setting up my calendar to plug in some Jaimie fun. Why? Because I flat out miss you guys!!!! Love you all so much, and thanks for dealing with my crazy (or should I just say me being crazy).
How'd I get so lucky to have these silly boys in my life?!
I can so relate to this Jaimie. I feel like I am older now and my big fun is a coffee date with a girlfriend, but I feel like yelling to you...."Gooooo, Runnnn, save yourself, see your friends!" lol
ReplyDeleteKeeping everyone's needs in perspective is so crucial to living a balanced life. There was a time back when Molly was little and she was seeing tutors everyday....I know, very different issues, but still all of the appointments, etc. and it occurred to me we were being robbed of her childhood. Keeping in mind that our kids are going to be who they are, and missing one day of therapy wasn't going to change things one way or another and IT DIDN'T MAKE ME A BAD CARELESS MOTHER! There was a time that I had to reclaim her spontaneous childhood. And that included my spontaneous life....although you are naturally a lot better at that then I ever way. 18 miles???? Seriously??