Today I took my boys to all star gymnastics for their "free play" time. I thought it would be good for both kids and I very rarely get to take them to stuff like that because of crazy schedules, but today happened to be free. Two of my girl friends and their little ones, also special needs, joined us. After being there for just a few minutes I could tell I was going to have a problem with two little ones that were running around. One of which was wild, in your face, very aggressive while her sister (yes, that's right, they were related) was younger (if i had to guess i would say just over a year old) and was curious like any other one year old, and was testing her boundaries, which apparently were pretty far. She pushed Karsen and Karter out of her way to get on the slide before them. Ok, no big deal, typical toddler behavior. But what was bad, which was clearly the root of the problem, was her mom sitting right next to the slide NOT SAYING A WORD to her daughter about what was wrong and how to do it the right way. Her mom was so much in her own world and not paying attention, the littlest one started to fall from the top of the slide, would have fallen pretty far, but was saved by a coach there. Mom didn't see any of it, not even the part where the coach helped her back up the slide. This was one of very many things her children were doing. I really don't need to get into what else what happened while we were there, what I feel like I need to touch on being more attentive and proactive. Whether you chose to have children or had a "oopsie" we all have to step up to the plate. Being a parent is the hardest, most exhausting, most physically and emotionally demanding job. You only get breaks if you pay and schedule them and you are ALWAYS on the spot. One of the best things I've heard was to show your kids you make mistakes too. It happens, we aren't perfect, and when I have raised my voice at Karter and let myself get too mad I waited until I cooled down and told Karter that I was sorry and I shouldn't have done that. It really hit somewhere for him and for me as well. Ok, I'm getting a little off track here. What I wanted to talk about is the parents that go to the park with their kids, or a free play at a gym and take it as time to relax and ignore your kids and let them run around like wild beast. Wrong! It's never a break, you're kids are waiting for you to not look, they are waiting for you to not pay attention so they can act like beast while knocking kids over, pushing kids out of the way and using equipment improperly. Do you see where I am going with this? Your job is never done when you are present. What made me more mad about today's situation more than anything is me telling these kids what to do all while not hearing a peep out of their mom and having my boys be hurt by them. Yes, I am the definition of mama bear, and I will attack. So, after I left today I really wanted to blog about this mom (well. I guess I already did) but then realized I really needed to blog about how to help yourself and your kids understand and play with special needs kids.
First off, no two special needs kids are the same. So not all of this will apply to certain special needs kids. Some kids may be blind, some maybe deaf, some may be mute, some may have a physical delay or a cognitive delay. Here's a few suggestions of what you can do when you go to a park or a play date and you see a special needs kid.
1. Always, always remind your kids to be gentle.
2. Talk to them, say hi, encourage your child to say hi.
3. If there is a chance to do something sitting with a child that isn't mobile, sit down and play sitting beside each other.
4. Talk to them like you would any other kid, chances are they understand you they just don't know how to communicate back.
5. Ask mom what their child likes to do and encourage your child to help in that kind of play.
6. Try to keep playfully mean comments out, if your child makes one, correct them. (Example: Karsen has been called drool monster. May seem fun to the kids but it hurts me in a place not many will understand)
I guess as I start to read these to myself I can sum it up into a few things. Always try to include each child in your play. No one likes to be left out. Tell your child why that child can't play certain ways, encourage your child to talk to them, treat special needs kids just like you would a normal kid, show them compassion and friendship. Shouldn't we all be treating each other that way?
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