One of those days.... again

I seem to keep having one of those days. You know, the ones where you are counting down the minutes until the kids are in bed. They seems to happen more and more frequent. Today I felt run down, physically and emotionally. I've delt with more tantrums today than I have in the past three days. I got head butted four times, one of which was direct contact to my nose, kicked a handful of times, and hit so many times I can't keep count. I've gotten fairly good at dodging, but not good enough. I hate that I have to be good at dodging. This part of parenting, this part of dealing with a non verbal three year old, is no joke. While the hubby was stuck at work late, and my will to fight started to fade, I texted my bestie. She listened, I vented, I vomited all sorts of horrible words all over our feed. After I had my pitty party, which she always alows me to have, she helped pick me back up. It wasn't all I needed to pull myself togethger, but it was a big step in the right direction. 

Don't get me wrong, being Karsen's mom is a huge blessing,  but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't change a thing. This isn't my plan, it never was. I had a much different path planned, with much different outcomes. Even though I have questioned God's plan constantly and still do quite often, I know that I am where am I suppose to be. I have met so many amazing people because  of Karsen. I see life through a different light, a way that wouldn't have been possible with out Karsen. This road has gotten me some beautiful places, I've also seen some ugly, and has never been straight and smooth.  While I'd love to sit here and say that I take in each day as a blessing,  I can't. I am human, I am flawed, I have a hard time seeing the beauty in such ugly moments and that is just ok. So, while today left me feeling worn down and exhausted, tomorrow is a new day. 

I'm thankful for the support I have gotten in these frequent rough days and continue to pray for patience and guidance with Karsen (and Karter). 

I told my friend not too long ago, when she was having one of those weeks, that God wants us on our knees because He knows that's when we'll lean on him. Truth people. So here I am, on my knees, been here for three years and have held on for this beautifully ugly ride.