Three years ago

This year I was really hoping that this particular date, February 14th, would come and go with out me even noticing. No such luck. As the date approaches I catch myself looking back and the past three years. It still stings to remember that day, Do you know what day I'm talking about? I'm talking about one of the worst days, the day we received the news Karsen had cerebral palsy. There are moments when it seems like yesterday and then there are moments where it seems like a life time ago. We have come so far. We've had some amazing moments and many hard pills to swallow. Things I am grateful that we didn't know until the time came. I think that had someone told me that day all of what we would have to endure the next three years it would have been too much. Blissful ignorance the first month of diagnosis, that's what Kuper and I were living. "Just a little PT and he'll catch up. No big deal". Little did we know that he would have to live with a handicap for the rest of his life. I've been told and also have told  others that no two kids with cerebral palsy are the same. I still have to remind myself this. As much as I would love to hear a story about a child with CP that didn't talk until 6 but DID talk eventually, that just may not be in the books for us, and that's ok. I've really been able to come to a place of acceptance, this is the life I will live. Whatever course God puts me on, that's where I'll go. So three years ago today was when I started to believe something wasn't quite right with Karsen, God was preparing me, holding me, for what was about to come. I continue to stay there, being held my God, guided through all of this. I don't know what the future holds for Karsen and that is plain OK with me.

So, while last year, this time of year was a rough time for me, this year is a bit easier. I figure each year I will be less shaken and eventually maybe the date will pass with out me even realizing. (Although I'm not sure if that's possible since it's a widely known holiday.) So while you are eating chocolates from a heart shaped box or smelling your flowers from your loved one, or drinking a bottle of wine to yourself please say a little prayer that each year this day will get easier and easier.

Three years ago, today.