It's Just Hard

Today, in the midst of tears rolling off my oldest sons cheeks, he made me see how grown up he really has become. As he cried over frustration of having to share with Karsen, he told me "It's just so hard being a big brother to  someone who doesn't share or talk." It's true. It is hard. I couldn't even begin to put myself in Karter's shoes. He's five years old but is expected to have the patience of a 10 year old. There are moments I forget that he's just that, a five year old. So, to gain some perspective I sat and talked to Karter for 15 uninterupted minutes. 15 minutes may seem short to some but that's all it took for him  to unload. He had big questions to ask, some of which I didn.t even know how to anwser because they seemed just so deep for a five year old to ask. We talk about his special bond with his brother and while Karsen may not be able to talk to him it doesn't stop them from playing together for hours on end. He asked me why Karsen doesn't share, why doesn't Karsen talk, all things he's asked before. It seemed to sink in a little more this time, that his brother is different, and that it's not a typical brother relationship. Then he asked me why God chose him to be Karsen's big brother, I told him what I thought to be some truth wheather it's His reason or not, he is special, a protector, and God chose him because he knew he'd play with him, love him, and protect him no matter what. Karter has treated Karsen like any other brother has treated their sibling, he's rough sometimes, gentle others, sweet and caring, irritated and annoyed. In some ways their relationship is just like any other brothers, in others their relationship is very unique. Karter is one heck of a big brother. I can't take credit for any of his sweet natured, caring side. God knew he would  need a big hear to deal with such tough times. For the remainder of the 15 minutes I just held him and listened. He told me how it's hard to be the big brother because people make fun of Karsen's drooling. He plays that typical sibling card, it's ok for me to tease my brother but no one else. We all do that right? He told me it's hard to get his friends to include Karsen in playing with him, something I think is hard on him  indivually. Then he said the one thing that explains it all, he told me it's hard being patient. This five year old has been expected to grow faster than  any other five year old around him to have more patience than even Kuper or I have. He's surely stepped up to the challenge but has also crumbbled under pressure, just as I have many times.

Sometimes I need to take a step back and let Karter simply be a five year old brother and let it out a little bit. Lord knows I've let it out plenty. Trusting in God's guidance and strength to help me raise these two kids.