The other day my oldest son, Karter, changed me, helped me see things from his perspective.
Karter was sitting in the back seat trying to get Karsen to look at a toy he was holding, when I heard a big sigh. I asked him what was wrong. Karter told me "Karsen's never going to talk!". Ouch! I've been there kid, I've felt that many times, it comes and goes. Some days I feel so confident he's going to talk, others I feel like he may talk but not be very understandable by others, then some days I feel as if it may never happen. So I responded with "We don't know if Karsen will talk, only God does. You can help him but always talking to him, loving him and you can even pray for him.". He responded with a short "OK" then got quite. For five minutes or so I didn't hear a single peep out of either one of the boys. Then suddenly I hear "Ok, I talked to God and he said he'd help him" Just like that. Sobbed the rest of the way home, full on ugly crying.
What a blessing it is to be able to raise these kids, to be trusted by God to show them His way, His light. It was in that moment that I let go. I have FINALLY given it to God. I know, silly right?! It's taken me this long to let it go! I've tried so hard to control the direction our lives were going to lead us. I've tried to push things in the direction I thought it should be going. Maybe my way isn't the same way as Gods. Maybe, just maybe, if I give in to His plan I want have those emotional low days about Karsen's speech. I wont know God's purpose for Karsen but I do know that he has changed me in ways I would have never done with out him. He's changed my family, he's changed my out look on life. He's changed my priorities and he's helped me cling to God. For such a little kid, man is he capable of a lot. Changing lives in ways I would have never thought possible. Especially my own. Talking or not, he's perfect. This was not a a mistake. This path was the path intended for him, for me, for our family. Time to stop taking the wheel. Time to let God have it all.
Couldn't leave you with out a sweet pic of Karsen. What better than 8 month old Karsen?!?! EEEEK! Man was he cute!
I can relate to this post in a million different ways. God graciously brings us to that place of letting go in all different ways. My life too will never be the same, I am changed by my experiences, a different person, a different family then anything I could have ever dreamed up....its been the most painfully beautiful journey of my life. I know that you get this! And I LOVE when God uses our precious littles to reach us. I loved reading this Jaimie! So awesome. God has you and your family right in the palm of his hand loving you perfectly and showing the way.
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