Surviving

We have survived 2+ weeks of NO SCREEN TIME! 2 weeks people! It's actually been pretty easy now, both our kids seem to realize that it's not going on as part of our daily routine, at some point it will come back in as a once a week treat, family movie night or something, and I'm quite happy with that. They even made the trip to Stanford without any screen time at all! 8 hours in the car and not once did they really complain. We packed lots of color books, reading books and toys. Karter seemed to be the only one, besides me, that kept asking "How many more minutes until we are there?" We've entered the "Are we there yet?" phase. Neuro appointment went well, besides the drowsiness, Karsen is handling the seizure meds quite well, no need to increase or change it up. Our neuro is also referring us to a neuro muscular specialist. We are going to explore possible botox for Karsen's left hand. I'm excited to see what they have to say. It will take a few months for insurance to approve and then a few months to get in, but there is really no rush. Karsen's eye appointment also went really well, we are meeting back in 6 months to see if Karsen's right eye is the same as it is now, if so, then we will discuss surgery which might make it so Karsen will never have to wear glasses again! I was really excited to hear that but also a little sad. He just looks so handsome in his cute little miraflex glasses. ;-)

I've been feeling a bit heart broken lately. Karsen has been known as the hitter by his classmates. I've had it mentioned to me a handful of times by other parents. Now let me be clear, not a single one of them were trying to be mean or protective of their child, it more so came out of playful conversation, small talk. So I was never offended or hurt by the comments of other parents. What hurt was having a little boy in Karsen's class ask me "Is he in a good mood today?" When I responded with "I think so." he then replied "So he wont hit me today then?" Ouch.... that stung. My heart broke for Karsen. He of course, has no clue that these kids know him for hitting, and his teachers do an amazing job of explaining to each kid that Karsen doesn't have words to tell them no, but I just don't want this for him. He doesn't always understand body language by other kids, he seems to think everyone is out to get him, everyone wants the toy that he's playing with. He also has personal boundary issues. I feel lost, I no longer know how to help him. I've tried every behavior technique known to get Karsen to stop hitting, it doesn't matter. Poor Karter gets hit about 10-20 times a day on a good day, I'm so thankful Karter doesn't hit him back. I've had many talks with Karter to make sure he understands that Karsen doesn't know how to act appropriately yet. Yet?! Will there ever be a yet? I'm exhausted. I had visions of my boys growing up close, especially since they are 22 months apart, becoming the best of friends. It's just not there. I spend the majority of my day breaking up fights, explaining to Karsen why we don't hit and especially not with a toy golf club. It doesn't matter how nice or mean I talk to him, it doesn't seem to soak in. I pray this is just a phase, in time it will go away all together. I'm just not sure if I can see that happening with in the next few years. When I think about dealing with his behavior issues for the next couple of years it makes me want to curl up and hide. God is the single one person pulling me through  this, helping me trudge through these waters, guiding me while I slip and fall unsure of what way to go. I will never know where my life will lead, what's next in my life, what challenge I will have to face, we will never know that. But I find comfort in knowing He is there, every step and will never leave my side. His plan is always better than mine, and even though right now I'd like to say "It'd be a lot easier if you could just tell me why, where, when" His plan has purpose, while mine? I think mine would just be to survive. His is to thrive.