Clinging

Today, I cling tight to God. I didn't expect to feel as emotional about today as I have been. I woke up, feeling like I do ever Valentines day 'Great, another fabulous Valentines Day. I just love this holiday'. If you can't tell, that is major sarcasm. I hate Valentines day, I always have. I'm not really quite sure why I hate it. Growing up, my mom always gave my sister and I a little something every year. In fact, one year in particular I remember getting a cute coffee mug full of candy. How awesome is my mom?! But yet I still hate it. I always wondered if my hatred toward it came from always being single on that specific day (until I met my husband). But truthfully, I think it's because today you are "forced" to show your love for you loved one. I would much more appreciate flowers, chocolate (although right now that would sabotage my diet), a piece of jewelry on any other day of the year. It means so much more than 'Oh shoot! I have to get flowers for my wife because everyone else is, and if I don't she'll be so mad' Really?! Is that really what this holiday should be like? OK. Enough about my disliking of Valentines day. 

This year brings a whole new meaning to Valentines day for us. Today marks one year from Karsen's diagnosis of CP. As I was making breakfast this morning, I got a text that broke down my walls. If you haven't followed me from the beginning, here is where you can read my story about last years Valentines. like I said before, I didn't expect to feel so shaken by today. I expected the day to pass like any other. So, today I cling to God. Today, I am grateful for our journey, to where we have gotten. One year has changes our lives so much from hearing the words stroke, brain damage, cerebral palsy, seizures, infantile spasms. It has made me a stronger person, a stronger mom, a stronger wife, a stronger friend, and a stronger christian. God has blessed me and my family with an overwhelming amount of amazing people. People that have helped me through some really rough times, people that prayed for me when I myself didn't know I needed prayer. So, yes today makes me appreciate my life, appreciate my two beautiful boys and amazing husband. While at the same time, I mourn the inability for Karsen to walk with out a limp, to use his left hand with out effort, the endless appointments he'll always have, the stares from strangers and teasing from other kids. It breaks my heart the struggles I have seen him endure, and it hurts me to know there is much more. I also know he can handle it. He is one tough cookie. I hope and pray that I am a good enough mother. I hope and pray that I can teach him to show people his heart and look on the inside. I hope and pray he can find the joys of life others also find. I hope and pray I am enough.  I hope and pray Karter (Karsen's older brother) grows up with the knowledge of compassion, and humility, while being the example to his peers, heck even adults. I hope and pray to be good enough, to raise these children the way God intends me to. I hope and pray I can continue to follow God's plan and set mine aside, to constantly cling to Him.

I received a text this morning that broke down my walls. I thought I'd share with you. From one of God's beautiful daughters: **1 year. One year of you being the strongest woman I've ever known. 1 year of you inspiring me to be half the incredible mom you are. 12 year of my faith being strengthened by watching Karsen overcome obstacles we didn't know possible. Thank you. I hate today, but reflecting on it; I'm thanking God. 1 year Jaimie. You continues to amaze me and inspire me. Happy anti-valentines day. I love you!!!!** How blessed am I to have her in my life?!

So, as my dear friend and sister in God said " Happy Anti-Valentines day!"

Taken one year ago today.