One of the worst days

It was valentines day, and for those of you that know me, I hate that holiday and this day didn't make it any better. Karsen had his first appointment with a pediatric neurologist and it was a 3 hour drive. I could barely sleep the night before and to make matters worse Kuper was up all night with the flu. There was no way he was going to be able to make the drive down with us. So, I called my mom and she was able to get off work early to head down with me. Before I left I drove to the little market just a few miles from our house to get Kuper some ginger ale. Since it was a short drive, I took our old, hunk of junk, blazer. Manual locks, windows, 5 speed, old turd. I pulled into the parking lot, set the E brake, locked the door and started to walk to the store when the car started rolling into the street! The E brake had failed and now it was slowly rolling back. I frantically tried to get the door open but it was locked, right then the car rolled over my foot. That's right, rolled solidly over my foot. Who manages to get their foot run over by their own car with no one driving it? This girl right here. The store worker came running out to help me stop the car, thank God! we were able to stop the car. I went in the store bought some ginger ale and and drove home crying the whole way. A million things were running through my head; I didn't have insurance, I didn't have time to deal with the ER today (we had been waiting for this appointment what seemed like forever), and I was suppose to run a half marathon in 6 weeks. I just cried and prayed the whole way home. 

I rushed into our bedroom, told Kuper what happened while hysterically crying. Realizing I was able to walk back to our room and roll my foot around, it was safe to say my foot wasn't broken. in fact it wasn't even bruised! So, I pulled myself together, packed the boys up, and left to pick up my mom.

Thank God (literally) for my mom! a 6 hour drive with a toddler and a 6 month old by myself would have been a little stressful. We got to the appointment just in time. My mom stayed out with Karter while I braved the appointment alone, but with Karsen of course. The doctor asked me what seemed like a million questions, most asking about Karsen's birth and if there was any complications.  She spent over an hour with me. I was really grateful, I had a lot of questions. It seemed as if she was dancing around what I already knew, so I asked her flat out "is this hemiplegic cerebral palsy?" The period of time from googling to this appointment I thought I had prepared myself mentally and emotionally. But when I heard her say yes, I still felt like I was going to loose it. She ordered an MRI to confirm, and talked to me about what to watch out for seizures and a few other things. I walked out to my car with Karsen in my arms and my mom and Karter trailing behind me. My mom knew to not ask anything. Instead, she did what all great mothers know to do, she held me while I cried. I guess I was holding on to the hope that the doctor would tell me I was just being a nervous mom and he was fine. I think every mom, who finds out something is wrong with their baby, clings onto the hope that they are overreacting. It was hard to hear that my baby had cerebral palsy. 

Off we drove home, dealing with rush hour traffic, took us longer to get home then expected. I was able to try to rest a little bit and try to shut off my mind. I got home, tucked the boys into bed, went to lay down and then it hit me... my sweet sweet husband shared his germs. I was up all night throwing up. As if the stress weren't enough. Through all of this, this whole day, I found so many things to be grateful for. My foot wasn't broken, I have an amazing mother, Karsen was alive and happy, and I didn't get sick until all of the day was over. I mean how bad would it have been if I got sick on the way there, or at the appointment, or on the way home! There is always good in every bad day, it's just hard to look at it sometimes. That day it was especially hard to look at the good but it was there.

                            My amazing mom and my oldest Karter