Parenting is hard. Its challenging, frustrating, exhausting, and rewarding all bundled into one. For me this past two years has been, more than anything, emotionally exhausting. I've learned to grow thicker skin. And no, I didn't learn to grow it for my kids, I learned from other parents, other adults.
I would like to know when, we as parents, were no longer on the same team? When did we stop trying to lift each other up, when did we stop encouraging each other to keep at it? When did we decide to start judging each other so harshly and therefore being so harsh on ourselves?
I had something happen today that was out of no ordinary for me. If you have a special needs child or even just a difficult child or a strong willed child.... well, lets just say if you have a child.... you've had your moments of melt downs in public, the fits where everyone stares and you can almost feel the burn of every set of eyes on you. I was unfortunate enough to have two of these moments in a matter of an hour in two different locations.
Time one: in the doctors office waiting for Karsen's hearing test. They told to me to come in a little before 9:45 since we are a new patient to fill out paper work. Ok, no biggy. We get there 15 mins early. I'm feeling pretty proud of myself right now, that's a first in a while. I fill out the paperwork all while trying to keep Karsen away from that darn water machine and Karter is sitting oh so patiently and acting like an angel (this is odd). I finish the paperwork right at 9;45. Boom! Doctor then in turn runs 25 mins late! are you kidding me?! Since my boys are the only ones in the office I decided to let them tickle each other. They LOVE this game and who doens't love the sound of little boy giggles?! 5 minutes later it ends in a hard fall with Karsen, a goose egg on his head and the lady behind the counter whispering to the other gal "That's why you don't let your kids run around". Ok judgey lady. whatever. I brush it off. I was doing what I had to given my situation. he could have fallen doing anything.
Time two:
Karter was in serious need of shoes, so we went to do some quick shoe shopping. I got the shoes, paid, and then shortly realized the $20 off wasn't applied. Had to in turn go to the service desk to get it fixed. At this point I was impressed that my boys were behaving so well. We finish up, walk out to the car and Karsen drops his snack. Oh the world ended. I picked him up and tried to calm him down. He was tired, cranky, sad, hungry all rolled into one. He began hitting me, hitting himself, bit me, screaming drawing all sorts of attention to me. Ive dealt with this before, it's nothing knew. As I talked to him explaining to him what I was doing I could feel that burn. The eye burn. I shouldn't have even looked but I did. When I turned around, this woman about my age looks straight at me and rolls her eyes. I continued to fix my situation, loaded my boys up and drove off.
After both situations all I could think about is how rude and judgmental people can be, and how sad it was that we don't try to encourage each other. Don't get me wrong, my friends are great, my family is great. I have felt nothing but love and encouragement from them when it comes to dealing with my children and going through the hard stuff. But strangers, it's very rare to have someone encourage you along, to give you that "I know what you're going through" smile.
I know before I had kids I thought the same thing, I did the same things and I remember telling myself that I will never raise my voice at my children and I will never have a child that bites or hits, that will not be tolerated. Well guess what?! It's not your choice. You're given what God has given you. Boy has it been a humbling experience. We need to stop passing judgment and start encouraging other moms and others dads. Let them know they aren't alone and yes it is hard and if you're child says they hate you (thank you Karter for my first of many) that you're doing something right. So, here's my letter to those eye rollers.
Dear Rude Judgey Lady,
The next time you want to roll your eyes at me put yourself in my shoes. What good has come from your eye roll? Know that I see you.Know that it's hurtful. Know that a simple dirty look can hurt for the rest of the day, or ever a week. Remember that each child is unique, each situation is complex and different. Give an encouraging smile, a sympathetic grin. Go out of your way to tell that mom they are doing a good job staying strong. Heck, treat them to a Starbucks or a candy, or you could even ignore the situation all together. This thing called parenting isn't easy, but it can make it feel a lot breezier if you stop passing your judgment and start encouraging and uplifting others to keep at it.
Sincerely,
A mom that is constantly struggling and praying to become the mother God intended her to be and is a doing a pretty darn good job
