How did we get here

That's a good question, how on earth did we get here? How did we get through those first three years of Karsen's life? How did we not break? How did we come out of it even stronger than before? One word, God. 

I would love to sit here and take credit for all the strides Karsen has made, all the wonderful things our family has done, how together we all are, the reality is, I can't. God has done some amazing things in my life, two of them being my amazing kids. I also would like to say our family is perfectly imperfect. That's right, we are all beautifully flawed. I am no where near the perfect mom. I could have more patience with my kids, keep up on the laundry more, keep dishes out of the sink more, play with my kids more, read to my kids more, we all have lots of room for improvement. I know one thing is certain, God picked ME to be Karter and Karsen's mom. He chose me to raise them, love them and care for them. What a privilege. And wow is it exhausting. It's had some serious downs and some amazing highs, just like any of your life struggles, life stories. We are still in the thick of it, being tested daily, some times hourly. I still struggle with the constant desire of wanting what I don't have, wanting my boy to start talking, wanting him to be "normal". In the midst of these struggles I'm reminded and what beauty Karsen has brought into my life. There was no mistake when God created Karsen. Karsen shows me the light without even knowing it. I love more than I've ever loved before. My heart is wide open with no fear. 

How'd we get here? How'd we survive? How do we continue when it's rough? How do we love with out fear? How. Do. We. Live? 

One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. One breath at a time. One prayer at a time.

Enjoy the beauty. Enjoy the ride. Live in that one exact moment. 

Live now.

More food issues

I took Karsen to his pediatrician yesterday to figure out why he's getting sick all the time and taking forever to recover. After an hour and a half appointment and almost two hours at the lab, we've figured some of it out. Karsen's body is working on overdrive to fight off the food in his intestines that he's allergic to, so his immune system is suppressed right now. This is why he's getting sick on stop, his immune system is so weak from fighting non stop it can't even fight off a common cold. Obviously this is a big problem, with all those nasty viruses going around, it could land him in the hospital. We did more blood work to find out what food is causing the issues. We already know he can't have corn or oat, well now we've discovered he no longer can have dairy or gluten. This is not a temporary change until he can handle this food, this is a permanent life change for him. We will ever be able to have corn, oat, gluten, or dairy. Poor guy, right?! We've had to make some major changes in our house. We can't keep any of that stuff around, Karsen will throw a giant fit for cereal, crackers, cheese if he sees it but can't have it. So it's got to go. It will be good for our whole family but it's definetly going to take some getting use to for Kuper and Karter. we went over Karsen's sleep issues, we are going to try to add in a few extra vitamins that he's most likely lacking since his body is having a hard time absorbing the nutrients from most food. Our hope is its a vitamin deficiency and not seizures that's causing the bad sleep. Two day was the first day of making the food switch. Breakfast was easy, eggs and sausage with our green smoothie, lunch was a little interesting but not too far off of what he gets. Dinner is going to be more challenging. Pleasing everyone is going to be a hard task. Pray for me....lol

He's a 3 year old

Karsen has now been in school for two months and LOVES it. I can actually leave after saying good bye to him, something I didn't think he'd ever be able to do. It helps having his nanny work there and the other teachers loving him just as much. They are all amazing. I get pictures weekly from one of his teachers on all the amazing things he is doing. Two handed things, fine motor, gross motor, he's doing amazing. I was telling Kuper the other day, minus the speech delay I feel like he is just like any other three year old out there, tantrums and all. ha.
It makes my heart so happy when I pick him up from school and he's so happy to see me but clearly has had a good time. He's even made a few friends, which let me tell ya, has been a worry of mine. He can't talk, how can he communicate with other kids? How can he ask a friend to play in the sand with him? Well, apparently speech is not needed. When I walk in to drop him off, I hear other kids say "Hi Karsen!", "Look Karsen, look what I'm playing with." These kids just tug at my heart strings. I don't think they realize the impact they are making on our lives. 
Karsen does seem to be having seizures again. They aren't the infantile spasms like before, thank God, and they aren't as frequent as before either. He's only had three of them in the past few months. I believe he's been having absent seizures, we can't be sure until his EEG. They aren't affecting him a ton, he does seem to sleep much longer during his naps when these happen but other wise he's not doing bad. Hopefully after his 8 hour EEG we'll get more answers. I ended up talking to our Neuro about the spells after his Epileptic specialist told me "Well, if he's having seizures and they aren't affecting his daily life there's no need to do anything" (WHAT?!) This was after I told her that he took a four hour nap and his sleep is all over the place. I'm glad I went with my gut and listened to Kuper when he said to just contact his neruo instead. We love her. She's amazing and has always listened to me, in fact even said "you know your kid better than I do, what do you think  is going on?" Isn't that how all doctors should be? 
We've been seeing Karsen's new speech therapist now for over a month. Karsen's finally warming up to him. He's really working on saying the B, M, and P sounds. He's almost got all down. He's talking people! I mean, really talking! He says ya, more, ma, da, bye bye (it actually sounds like bye bye too!!!!!!) and ipad.... not joking. lol He's really starting to come along. I told my friend, his old speech therapist, I feel like I'm finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, its small but it's there. We'll get there. It's going to be a LONG road with lots of speech therapy but I have no doubt  that he will be talking. 
I've also noticed a complete change in Karter and Karsen's relationship. They play together! Like real play! Rough, tough, boy, tackling, rough housing play. I still feel like a referee but I think that comes with being a mom in general. It makes me so happy, so overwhelmed with joy to see the two of them play together, something I wasn't sure if I'd ever see. I've worried about Karter hurting Karsen when they rough house but instead Karter is usually the one that catches the up kick on the chin in the midst of rolling around on my bed. Again, never thought Karsen would be able to hang with Karter as rough as they get. Happy mom of boys over here. 
I'm so proud of Karsen, he's so tough, he's endured so much in such a small span of time. He surprises Kuper and I constantly. I'm excited to see what God's plans for our little man is, where he will take us next. We are beyond blessed with such a full life.